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Scrambled Station
By Jade
The moon shines brightly as it makes its journey through earth’s orbit. But something seems amiss, as not many moons are metallic with a mustachioed face adorning it. Indeed, that’s no moon, it’s a space station.
 DR EGGMAN: Gyahahaha!! Finally, my new and improved Death Egg is complete! With this amazing weaponry at my fingertips, the world is mine!
 iX: *ahem*
DR EGGMAN: Um… ours…
iX: Close enough, I guess, but the answer I was looking for is “mine”. As in iX’s. You should just be thankful I was able to procure the materials you needed for this toy of yours.
DR EGGMAN: Behold! This Death Egg is the ultimate weapon! The world will have no choice but to succumb to our will! No one can stand up to my awesome might; not the hedgehog, not any of those digimon things, and certainly not that bunch of inept Mavericks!
***
 JADE: *sneezes*
 CYROS: Gesundheit.
 SPARK: Huh? Giz… Uh…Hide…?? What kinda brew is that?
CYROS: Um…
SPARK: Never mind. I ain’t gonna order something I can’t even pronounce.
JADE: That’s all for the better, I’m sure.
***
iX: So then, let’s get this party started already. What should we blow up first?
Suddenly, the space station shudders as the outer shell is rocked by blaster fire.
DR EGGMAN: What the hell?! Get the viewscreens up!!
They turn on the monitors only to be greeted by the site of a small fleet of Imperial Star Destroyers and TIE fighters battering the space station with their heavy firepower.
DR EGGMAN: The hell is this?!! How’d the Earth muster up a counterattack so quickly?!
iX: They aren’t from Earth. They’re from…
The doctor is cut off by the sound of the security door to their command center being sliced open. Where the door was, now stands a tall, black-armored menace wielding a red lightsaber.
 DARTH VADER: By order of his highness, the mighty Emperor Palpatine, I demand that you cease-and-desist the use of this abomination, which he finds in violation of Imperial Copyright and Trademark statute #1138.
iX: Piss off Vader, you has-been. You still think you’re the Emperor’s favorite? Guess again!
DARTH VADER: You… You DARE speak to me in that tone??
He reaches out to try Force-choking iX, but he uses a Dark Hold to negate it.
iX: You appear to still be in the dark, so let me just tell you straight out. I am the one chosen by the Emperor to be his successor, not you. Look at you! You’re just an emo crybaby in a life support suit! I, on the other hand, am the god of all Reploids. He saw my potential for greatness and trained me in the ways of the Dark Side, giving me the power to do this…!
In a flash, he transforms into Nightmare iX.
 iX: I came close to dying battling the Alpha Movement under Dopplertown, but as you like to say, they didn’t know the power of the Dark Side.
DR EGGMAN: Um… You two seem to have a lot to chat about, so I’ll just be seeing my self ou…
Vader uses his Force powers again to pull Eggman back and seal the door.
DARTH VADER: My business with you hasn’t concluded, my fat friend.
iX: Well my business with you has, so it’s time for you to say goodbye.
The X clone swings his saber at the Sith lord, who parries with his own.
iX: How convenient! Once I kill you, nothing will be able to stop me from usurping prune-face Palpatine and dominate this galaxy! And after that, the universe!
DARTH VADER: You fight well, but regardless, you can’t destroy me like this.
Vader leaps back and sends a volley of Force Lightning at iX, who summons a Crystal Wall to ground it.
iX: That was pathetic. You want lightning? I’ll give you lightning!
The Irregular X fires a Lightning Web at Vader, who slashes it apart with his saber before resuming his attack, lunging at iX. For a while, the two continue their continuous assault, a lightshow of flying red saber blades. Then iX catches Vader by surprise when he charges his blade with fire, courtesy of the Magma Blade, his final stroke surrounding the Sith in a sea of flame.
iX: You see, Vader? Now I am the master!
The evil X laughs, not noticing the mass of debris coming at him from behind until it pummels him mercilessly. Vader still has some tricks up his sleeve.
DARTH VADER: You should know you cannot destroy a Sith so easily!
iX: Wanna bet…?
Switching to the Silk Shot, iX sucks up the metallic hailstorm and fires it at Vader, who leaps over it and again locks sabers with iX.
DARTH VADER: You are beaten. It is useless to resist!
iX: Oh, and what gives you that idea?
DARTH VADER: Only the fact that our battle has been merely a diversion to occupy you while my men destroy your precious space station!
***
Outside…
 IMPERIAL OFFICER: Sir! We are within firing range!
 COMMANDER GUNNER: Heheh. Gotta love small thermal exhaust ports. Deploy!!
From their TIE fighters, a certain Gungan with about 100 kilos of high explosives strapped to him is dropped into the exhaust port.
 JAR JAR: How wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude…!!!
***
iX: And how do you plan to escape? Or are you going down with the ship?
DARTH VADER: Hell no! We don’t have Imperial spies in the Galactic Federation for nothing. Commander, one to beam up!
Vader is teleported off the Death Egg just before it goes up in a huge explosion.
***
Back on Earth…
 REGULUS: Hey guys, what’s with that big ball of fire in the sky?
 ANIME MASTER: What ball of fire?
REGULUS: (points up at the explosion) THAT ball of fire!!
ANIME MASTER: C’mon man… You’re drunk… gimme your keys… (falls over and passes out)
REGULUS: …
***
 SIGMA: Vile, did you know that whenever there’s a sky-shattering explosion, an angel dies a tragic and horrible death?
 VILE: That’s beautiful… *sniff*
***
 MEGAMAN X: AXL!!! Are you playing with the Enigma again??!
 ZERO: “Again”?
MEGAMAN X: He wanted to surprise us for the 4th of July. Yeah… he surprised us alright…
***
 DARKSAGE: (wakes up, looks at the explosion) OH MY GOD! They blew up the moon! (shakes his fist) Damn you, Piccolo!!! Damn you to heeeeeeeelllllllll!!! (goes back to sleep)
***
At the crash site, iX staggers to his feet.
iX: I live!! I am indeed a god!! Haha, suck it Vader! (looks around) Aw, too bad. Looks like Dr. Lard Butt didn’t make it. Well, he is only human after all. Too bad.
***
Back at Maverick HQ…
SPARK: Hey, check out this cool capsule that fell into the bar!
 DARK KNIGHT: That capsule looks kinda familiar.
JADE: Yeah, we have one just like it. Let’s go downstairs and get them acquainted.
So they take the capsule they found down to the underground lab.
 DR WILY: Well well, Ivo. What’s new with you?
 DR EGGMAN: Nothing much. Does dying count?
***
And at Imperial Center…
DARTH VADER: It is done, Master.
 PALPATINE: Good. You have done well, Lord Vader. You may leave now.
He does so. Palpatine goes to the window of his office.
PALPATINE: You have grown stronger, iX… I know you’re still alive, even if my other apprentice is to arrogant to admit it. Heheheh… I look forward to seeing just what you’re capable of, my friend…
And so, the day is saved, thanks to… The Galactic Empire??! But what is Palpatine talking about; what plans does he have for iX? Find out, next time!
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